haii .
ii hatehatehatehate , myself .
cos iim a bodoh arshole maturing at such a young age , & ii suffer ...
whtever ... ii hav so many troubles , countless troubles ,
& ii just wan t shop away all of them ...
fine , iim a freak .
probably because iim a fantasizer , ii wan so many things tht are beyond-one's-imagination ...
who ask me mature so young ...
as iin , esp maturing iin th mind ...
hashh ... whtever gibberish iim toking abt ...
iive wasted my whole holiday ... staying at home ...
aft nxt week , reopening of school will be just a few days away ...
ii wonder how llong more ii can hang on ...
ii hated almost everyone , ii felt they owed me alot ,
ii felt they were cruel , t hav been hurting me so much , but act , iits just my own problem ...
because of th stupid mature mind ii hav , iim suffering emotionally ...
now ii noe ... iits my stupid brain ... thts causing me so much pain ...
ii hate myself ...
dun eu find iit all wrong ?
iim admiring all th wrong peepuh ...
ii admire my dajieh , she gets t work , so tht she has money , she gets t shop , party .
but of cos , she's fourteen , iim eleven only .
ii admire two friends of nicola ,
one , has a greatgreat friend whom goes out wif her all th tim ,
pictures are beautiful memories they get t keep ,
they share their deepest secrets wif each oth without fear .
th second one , has an uber sweet boyfriend wif tht kind of personality ii adore most .
they qqo out togeder all th tim .
but of course , they're fourteen , iim eleven ...
my brain ; mind iis functioning wrongly ...
gawd , wht iis th purpose of giving me such a mind ...
ii probably wun even survive till thirteen ...
ii wud hav been an iinsane , baichi , or depressed teenager by thn ...
iim not asking for consolation , iim just lletting out my troubles .
now , th only closest thing ii hav , iis my bed .
( yadi yada , iim iinsane . )
whywhywhy , why my bed .
because iit iis th only thing ii can llet my tears flow down my cheeks freely .
why again , cos ii dun hav a shoulder t llean on .
ii nvr will .
imagine how iit iis ,
whn ure only seven ,
& eu hav t witness ur parents quarreling all day llong ,
even witnessing one unsightly scene ,
ur father strangling ur mum .
eu hav no choice , iin th blink of an eye , ur mind matures .
tht happened , t me .
ii had no choice , thts how unfortunate ii am , iits my fate .
my parents arent tht violent now , they seldom quarrel ordy .
but memories nvr fade .
ii still hav millions of days t llive wif , but ii will , perhaps ,
only iif gawd fulfills my very iimportant wish ,
& only gawd noes , wht wish iit iis ...
now , see , my sister has been enjoying weeks of satisfaction & joy ,
my parents are hehehaha-ing ,
only me , iive been lliving weeks of boredom & unhappiness ...
even my lil brother iis suffering neglection .
me , & my brother ,
wht th hell did they wan us on earth whn only tht prettypretty niceee llady will do .
guess wht ,
a few days ago , my mum wanted t shift th position of th beds ,
me & my sister slept on " double-deckers " , ii slept below .
ii wanted th bed " this " way , my sister wanted " tht " way .
whn ii wanted tht way , my sister said arrogantlly " guan wo shen me pi shi "
my mum witnessed iit nd she didnt even karre !
thn my mum only asked her iif th beds shud seperate ,
HALLO ?! ii hav a share too !
iim good enough t not expect tht BIG DADADAJIEH t give way t me all th tim,
nd yet , ii do not wan t hit my head against th base of HER bed everytim , but ii hav NO choice !
my dajieh has been so rude t my parents ,
whnever she iis using th comp & my parents come iin t seesee , she makes rude sounds ,
but for me , ii swear , ii dun do tht ,
ii just transfer t another web pg , do my oth "not private" stuff ,
yet they're so good t her , why ?
my sister gets t use th comp past midnight everyday ,
nd she sleeps till past noon tim ,
yet , my parents see iit as nth unusuall .
nd , for th reason tht my dajieh " has t sleep till past noon tim " ,
iim th one who HAS t accompany my family out for breakfast EVERYTIME ,
no matter how tired ii am !
iif ii were t say ii dun wan t qqo , mum wud start nagging all those gibberish TO ME !
how FAIR iis iit ?!
EVERYTIME .
EVERYTIME !!!